fun on the bus

go to funonthebus.blogspot.com for adventures to and froom UNM with Jessica and I!

really it's hilarious.

and i supose i should start poster here as well. seeing as how i'm in college now and not depressed haha

oh how i would love to write something poetic and powerful
but alas, i have no poetic thoughts
only these uncontrollable emotions
pulsing through me with every beat of my heart

i wish i was...in love
yet not, because love is difficult
and every 'love' i've experienced so far breaks me
breaks me in such a way that i do not wish to go through it again

this concept of love is an interesting one
giving up everything to be with another?
turning from our selfish ways
to sacrifice everything in our lives for another
but GOD did it didn't he?
oh, how he loves us
i do not know

i've been thinking too much about life and death
the inevitability of it
lately death and life get so confusing
i can't tell the difference here tonight
lately every breath feels like i'm kissing death

so maybe i was a bit more poetic than i thought i would be tonight.
things just flow sometimes,
tonight is rough, not as 'flowing' as other...poetry, if that's what you could call it.
which i wouldn't, but whatever

goodnight all

hold my last breath

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light
it ends here tonight

I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree
(come find me)

i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

closing you eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

courage

GOD ruined me tonight
he made me realize things
like i need to put it all in his hands
like i need to have courage to love me for me
i need to have courage to share HIS story

i also need to give things up
like him
like time
like myself

i miss Him and i miss the me in him
this new me?
she's...not who i really am
the fire in my heart is so small it might be snuffed out
and i don't want that at all
i want to be free and joyful in this suffering

spilt milk

i'm over-reacting to a..."crush"
haha. i'm not amused
only confused
some girl he had...or still has...
a crush on rejected and denied.
hmm...but now they won't talk
and i guess its awkward for the other people.
so he's trying to mend things,
by saying that she takes away his confidence?
too freaking bad he didn't say that in the first place!!

so today...i wept over spilled milk
waste of my time

feeling what it's like to get your heart riped out.
hot tears stain my face
i wish i didn't care this much
i wish i could say that i'm ok
but i'm not.
i'm heartbroken
i'd like to find a hole and hide there
i'm so stupid!

prayer

prayer is such a powerful thing
at a prayer meeting last night, there were not many people there that i knew, yet when GOD's children come together to pray, everything said is powerful.
i was moved.
tears weere split as i prayed for healing
everyone prayed together as a group and it was wonderful
i can't wait to go again.