missing someone i don't know

i think that most people don't really know who they are going to love
if only i could see into the future and see him

if only life was like a poem
you know those tv episodes where all they do is speak in rhyme,
and they have to get out of the story by learning a lesson?
i want life to be like that
i want love to be like that
only...you can't get out of it
...because no one wants to

i wish i had someone as devoted as romeo
or heathcliff
or edward
that special someone who loves me with every fiber of their existence

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition
Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return
roses speak of love silently in a language known only to the heart

cliche? maybe

romantic? very

No one should read it

i'm tired of the people who say they are your friends, but don't really care.
i'm tired of the people who pretend, just so you don't feel left out.
i'm tired of feeling left out anyway.
i'm tired of being different.
i'm tired of being the same.
i'm tired of shallowness
i'm tired of stupidity
tired of cliques
tired of jerks
tired of...life

do people really care about what i think?
do they notice when i'm sad?
do they notice when i'm silent, because i'm upset?
do they notice that i see through them?
do they notice i'm not having fun?
do they notice i hide myself under a mask?

no one gets it
no one understands
and no one cares

i was so stupid to trust them!
i knew this would happen!
it always does
it always does.

HE is the only one for me, He never fails me
but it's hard to know He's there
we can't be alone!
so why do i feel abandoned?


i want to burst into tears
but that would be annoying
i want to punch someone in anger
but that would be awkward
i want to show them how i really feel about their friendship
but that would be uncalled for
i can do nothing around them
it would disturb the peace

i want to tell them to love like HIM!
i want to tell them they suck!
i want to tell them they are stupid!
i want to tell them i don't care about their silly little lives!

would they listen?
no, i would be an outcast
i would not belong
and i would not have fake friends

GOD's sense of humour

i got a car.
i made the first payment.
then a day later, got into an accident
with $1400 in damage

haha...i'm laughing, and so is GOD!
i relize that i was in this accident because He wanted to show my that i was not invincible. i can hit curbs, i can ruin brand new wheels and i can drive more careful as a result. i think that i was so hung up on my car, and loving it, and honestly putting it before my GOD and me time, that He needed to show me that it wasn't as important as i thought it was.

thought of today...

C

i'm spoiled...

i got a car...and it's this colour! lol, well, red anyway....i'm super excited!!!! it's the best present ever!!! even though it's not my birthday or christmas yet! lol...
check car off christmas list!
now all i need is my 4-way parallel Bible! and i'm done for christmas....my parents rock
it was my dream car too! a little red Honda Accord 2-door coup
YUP! you all gotta climb over a seat to sit in my baby! he he...unless you are gangster, then you get shotgun!

C

Praise the Lord

Today for the first time in a while, i found my camera. Curious as to what was still on there, i started to flip through the pictures. The first few were videos from the 4th of July ( i don't empty my camera often) then some randoms of me, the sky, a conference i went to recently, and OH YEAH! Desperation pics!!! i was so ecstatic to stumble upon these, i almost dropped my camera! i started to think about Desperation again, and how it seems like it's been such a long time since the conference. Sad that it is over, i starting thinking about my life...and boy, I've changed a lot! I'm so proud that i have stuck, and am living the Desperation Vow! GOD has taught me to persevere through hard times, and love people no matter what, and that I'm a leader....and a thousand other things just in the last month! I'm excited about what the Lord has done in my life, i have noticed my change in attitude, well mostly, and my hunger, longing, and desire for the Lord. All i talk about anymore is GOD, which i love, because i love to think about my saviour! i pray daily that others can experience this love that i feel for Him...anyway...this all relates back to my pictures and remembering good times, but also remembering that we live day to day, and that the past is past, and we need to start every day with the thought..." I want to know Christ TODAY"

Mark 12: 30-31

C

It doesn't seem that bad...

Church is making me think more and more about GOD, me, friends...and those people who put on the 'christian face' for an hour then go home and piss their lives away. Lately I've been feeling things about my church of almost 10 years that I'd never felt before. It doesn't feel like home, I'm disgusted with the stuff that goes on, saddened that there's only 5 of the original 'core' kids that were there from the beginning, among other things. Feeling this way, and thinking this way about my church makes me wonder if GOD is asking me to move on...maybe I've done everything I am capable of doing in my church. Then GOD presented a blessing, a huge blessing, something I've been waiting for. An opportunity to start over and do something completely different...again. So, GOD has laid on my heart to go to the new Rio Rancho campus. I'm really excited and i can't wait to see what GOD is going to do through all of us at Rio Rancho. This is my chance to be a part of GOD's huge plan! praise the Lord!

C

changing things

Since no one really reads my blog i can post about anything I want! and not offend!
umm...let's see, the other day i was telling some people about what GOD showed me at Desperation, and they were...not as helpful or encouraging as I thought they would be. The stupid thing is, i thought that i would always have a friend to back me up...but i don't this time. i realized that GOD is my friend that is gunna back me up on this one, because no human will. i never actually realized that i haven't in the past given everything to GOD, including my friends, so i need to give everything to Him. i read in 1 peter 5 about being a shepard to the flock, which is to say....be an example to the rest of my church...the only way GOD is going to change my church through me is by being an example. so anyway...i'm out to change my chuch for Christ!

C